Whose Wits End Anyway?

Another day off! Yippie! It’s called a snow day. It’s sure pretty out there, well it was until the dogs tromped through it! Now it just looks cold. I hate to be cold. I am more a spring and fall person myself. And right now I can’t hardly wait for it to turn spring. Just 3 days ago I found a wild flower poking it’s head up from the cold ground. I was so excited. Now I have to wait until the snow melts to make sure it survived.

When Sir got home last night we had dinner and he sat down at the computer to play a game and relax. I tried to go online to see if this storm was going to hit us but my computer just would not go online. I unplugged, I reset settings, I was getting more and more stressed. Finally I asked him where he wanted me to do my corner time, and explained that I was getting too stressed out and needed a time out. He took one look at me and asked “or do you need a spanking?” I told him a time out was probably all I needed even though I knew I had allowed myself to go further than that. My stress level was far beyond a time out! I guess he knew this, and he kept asking me. Finally I agreed yes I needed a spanking, just a short one to get myself back together.

I went and laid across the arm of the couch waiting with an upturned ass for him to begin. He first used the crop over my light robe, it stung nicely. Then he raised my robe and began spanking in earnest. He got the paddles and the new wooden spoons. I was all over the place he finally had to put his weight on me to hold me still. So much for a light spanking. As he spanked I felt the tension leaving my body, harder and harder he spanked. I yelled into the pillows, he spanked so hard he broke one of the new spoons. Thankfully! When he finished I was totally spent.

My corner time he said could just be done right there. So I laid there with my uncovered ass still up in the air and just breathed slowly. After about 20 minutes of this calming effect, it dawned on me that my back end was up turned and facing the front door which has windows on it and a sheer curtain. I tried to think of how I could bring this up and maybe get him to lower my robe without seeming to be trying to get out of something. I managed to do this calmly, his reply was tinged with laughter “well it’s night time, maybe no one will come and if they do we will just tell them you were a bad girl and had to have a spanking.” He never moved to come to my rescue. laughs

So I spent the last 10 minutes praying no one wanted anything. Nothing dire would happen in the world that would send anyone to our house, at least for the next 10 minutes! Do you know how long 10 minutes can be?? After getting up I suggested we not use that place anymore it’s not good for the mind! He just smiled.

I am glad that I was able to go to him and tell him I needed a time out. There was a time I wouldn’t of done that. Instead I would of just acted out until he got mad or worse until we were fighting. But these last couple of weeks I have had long talks with myself, telling myself that if I want him to help me, I need to help him. I can’t expect him to just know instantly that I am closely hitting my wits end. He needs a little help.

Was it hard to admit this too him at the time? Oh god yes. But as I said before, embarrassment has no place in a submissives life! So I swallowed my pride and told him to help me. Luckily once I voiced it he saw that I needed more than what I was admitting too and he didn’t quit questioning me until I told the truth. I wasn’t really liking it at first. But by the time I agreed I needed that spanking I was so glad that he kept on and didn’t let me go until I told the truth. It will make it easier the next time I need to ask for help.

I don’t think that will be anytime soon though, my bottom is still sore and sitting brings things to the forefront of my mind!

 

Just This and That

I have taken the day off today. I had a few things I wanted to get done here and besides it’s been raining all day. It’s so wet even the dog won’t go out to potty!

It’s been a great week here. I don’t even know where to start. There hasn’t been one day that I haven’t felt the sting of the cane or the slap of the crop. Not a full spanking or anything just enough to get my attention. Just enough to let me know who is in charge and who isn’t.

We went to wal-mart last weekend, we needed to get a few things. Before we left I reminded Sir we needed to remove my collar. As it is big and bulky and sports a gold padlock on the end of it. Too noticeable to wear into public. When Sir was unlocking it he asked “why are you embarrased to show the world your submissive?” We both laughed as we left.

Once in the car I thought about it and decided that I wasn’t too embarrassed. (least ways not in front of strangers). When we go to town I have worn wrist bands, which are really cat collars. They buckle up as wrist cuffs do and they have a ring to which you can attach a leash. If someone looks at them they definitely know what they are! I could only find one before we left. But I had taken my coat so that I could keep it covered up. I always have them covered, because I have told myself it is just to remind me that I am who I am no matter where we are.

We arrived at Wal-Mart and I went in without my coat. At first I watched to see if anyone noticed. It didn’t appear anyone did. Nor did Sir. A little while later Sir was looking at some things I wasn’t interested in so I asked him “Sir may I have permission to go over one aisle?” I spoke up as if we were alone. He looked at me quickly, turned a slight shade of red, smiled broadly and said “Yes you may.” And off I went, satisfied with my ability to shock and amaze him in a public place with my new found pride in submission!

When Sir arrived at the next Aisle I was there waiting and we moved on. I wasn’t able to shock him again though. Even though I tried. I said “Yes Sir” and “Thank you Sir” every step of the way. Nothing wasn’t followed without a Sir on the end. A few people noticed. Especially when we got to the grocery section. When getting bread about 4 older ladies were within easy hearing distance. Sir asked if this was the kind of buns I wanted for our burgers and I quickly noticed these other women, thought what the hell and said ” Yes Sir those are the ones.” Only one jerked her head to look at me, then to look at Sir, and back again at me, I met her gaze with a soft smile and continued on with our shopping.

Sir bought a new paddle to replace the one’s we broke and as an added surprise he bought a HUGE bag of clothespins. I had spotted some wooden spoons in a mesh bag that I wanted to send to my girlfriend in a goody box I was making for her. They aren’t the regular kind of wooden spoons. It’s a set of spoons that have holes or slots in them and the spoon parts are big and semi flat. A good spanking spoon. When I asked Sir if I could buy them for her he said sure and he tossed in an extra set for us. I am not looking forward to them they look a tad hurtful!!

We haven’t tried them yet as we have been busy with other everyday things. But I know they are there and one day they will be used to my “un-pleasant satisfaction”. I am excited about the clothespins too. Slightly dreading the fact that they are brand new and will hurt quite a bit at first. It’s been a long while since I have had any, so I am not used to the pain. It seems I am in “excited dread” about my new toys! Maybe it’s just enough to know they are here!

I feel alive. I feel like I’m living my life, instead of it being something that happens to me. I feel like I’m me again. I still get a bit snippy, but not as often. I try to curtail that myself. But when I haven’t been able to Sir has been right there with the crop to apply it ever so skillfully upon my nipples to make me remember. My nipples get rather sore quickly and I tend to be able to sensor myself more often. Sir might not agree with this statement of mine, thinking he had to use it quite a bit. But I assure you that I have stopped myself many many times. Anyway I am more aware of my attitude and how quickly Sir can respond.

I just need to submit to my husband, I need to feel him in control. I need that as much as I need to breath. When I am left to go to far, I feel like I am dangling out there alone and flailing like a fish out of water, trying desperately to get back in. I like the feeling of giving my control over to him. It’s a gift I give. In return I get a bigger gift. I get his love, and his guidance, he directs me to where I need to be.

Sir is beginning to get stricter with me and how I try to bend and twist the rules. I have always done that, have always gotten away with that. I like that he isn’t letting me do it as much. My body quivers when ever he says in his sternest voice, “Because I said that’s why! Sure I might not like the answer at the time, and I might protest. But inside I am loving it. I love it when he verbally corrects me or lectures me. I guess I push the borders just to make sure he will push them back.

Tonight I have an hour to do with my nose pressed against the wall, or the window, which ever he chooses. Even though I do not like standing there doing that, I look forward to it. Because he has issued his decision and I have nothing to do but follow it. He is the head of our household. What he says goes. No matter if I agree with it or not. Although I am not above trying to “suck up” my way out of trouble. Take for instance today. I got down in the kitchen floor wearing nothing but my collar and washed the kitchen floor by hand until the rags came back as clean as could be. Our kitchen floor is clean enough to eat off of! This weekend I will do the same to the bedroom floor. Then maybe I will spend a few naked hours at his feet. Sometimes I just want to be there!

Well I guess that is all for today. I have to go clean up and get stuff ready for our dinner. Before I go I do want to tell Stace that I have read her comments and am working on the “submission and humiliation” response and thank her for taking the time to write. I do so appreciate hearing from someone. Until later ~