Where have I been for over a month? I have been sick twice, a horrible horrible flu. Then hubby has been sick with it as well. Nothing is really going on here. except alot of sick!
We seem to fight more these days than anything else. He likes to say things out loud, but sort of under his breath so that you will hear it. But he can claim he didn’t mean it to be out loud. And I have ignored that for — ummmm — lets say several years now. So it is my own fault. Menopause sure makes your nerves so short that you jump on these little tidbits like a dog on a bone! Some what “Pit Bullish” you know, you don’t let it go. You are just as determined as he is. Sometimes more.
I know he knows he hurts my feelings. But do you think he ever mutters the words “I’m sorry”? HELL NO!! He never has. I used to tell him I was sorry all the time. Not so much anymore. Even when I am sorry, I don’t say it. Because I never hear it .. so what the hell huh? I hate that to. I would rather apologize and it be over. But no; we drag it on for days. The last one was almost 3 days. What a waste of time.
Maybe if we were back in our supposed to be roles, it wouldn’t happen. These past several months I was happy because we were in a back in a good place. Well now that place seems to have started crumbling.
And what I have left is what? Cranky, grumpy, mumbly, grouchy, unfriendly, barely speak, tiptoe kind of days. There are days that I am so depressed I just want to stay in bed all day with the blankets pulled over my head. I don’t want to see anyone, let alone talk to anyone. Without DD to lean on I have had to go back on my antidepressants. I hate them. It’s like you are drugged for most of the day, when you finally start to have a clear head, it’s time to take the pills and go to bed only to start the whole thing all over again. And then someone asks almost daily. “don’t you feel good?” Such a great way to live. You should try it! ha!
Ok going to go because I am just writing things that only make me want to go get in bed and cover up my head and stay there!!! Will write when I am better… wonder when that will be?
